10 “Rude” Behaviors That Are Perfectly OK in Japan

Updated on January 11, 2019
poppyr profile image

Poppy lives near Tokyo and likes to read novels and play video games, especially fantasy RPGs.

Japan's culture is completely different from that of the rest of the world. This could be due to how well they hold onto old traditions, the lingering samurai spirit that affects daily life and thinking, and the country's 220-year isolationist foreign policy under the Tokugawa shogunate in the eighteenth century, where no one was permitted to enter or leave the country, thus cutting off any outside influence.

Even in today's world, where trade and the exchanging of cultures and languages have never been easier, the country has many differences that lead to fascination and culture shock from visitors.

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Often, tourists are advised to study local customs and manners before visiting the country so as not to offend local people when we go. And remember that behaviors such as talking on the phone while riding the train or blowing your nose in public can be considered rude in Japan.

But what of things that we think of as rude in our own cultures? You may be surprised to find that some things we think of as offensive at home are actually perfectly okay, or sometimes even expected, in the Land of the Rising Sun! Here are ten examples.

1. Slurping Noodles

Making a lot of noise while eating is often something you'd think of a small child doing before it's trained out of them by their embarrassed parents. A loud slurping sound, especially, can cause disturbance or even inspire nausea from surrounding people.

Not in Japan! If you visit a noodle shop, particularly a ramen restaurant, don't be surprised to hear appreciative slurping noises all around you, especially from older customers. Slurping ramen noodles sucks cool air into your mouth along with the noodles. The ramen is coming straight from the hot broth so the air helps it to not burn you. Slurping, so they say, also helps show that you're enjoying the food. It's equal to saying "mmm!"

I personally still think it sounds gross. I even heard an old man slurping his spaghetti in an Italian restaurant once. Just remember if you hear it that it's actually fine in Japan!

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2. Not Maintaining Eye Contact

In the West, we are taught to maintain eye contact when talking to someone to show we're listening and engaged in what they're saying. In Japan, too much eye contact can make people feel uncomfortable. They will look at each other if they are seriously discussing something important or if they are very close, but generally, direct eye contact is minimal.

I sometimes feel like going crazy when I'm trying to talk to my husband about something and he starts staring into space. From my perspective, it seems as though he isn't listening, but it's common to look somewhere else when thinking deeply. It is one cultural difference I may never get used to. Just remember that if you're chatting to someone in Japan and they start looking down or another area of the room, that they're (usually) still listening!

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3. Deflecting a Compliment

You may have felt the frustration of giving someone a compliment only for them to deflect it by denying that what you say is true or making some self-deprecating excuse. In the West, many of us pay a compliment and expect to hear "thank you."

In Japan, it's not only acceptable, but it is expected for someone to disagree when a compliment is paid to them. I've watched conversations where people say nice things like "you did really well!" or "that was great!" only for the person to shake their hand and say "no, no!" It's frustrating to see, and I want to say "just accept the compliment!"

It's a difference in culture, though. Don't worry if you say something nice to someone and they deflect it; they're doing it out of politeness, not because they don't appreciate what you said.

4. Shouting for Service in a Restaurant

In most western countries, we try to quietly catch the eye of waitstaff and patiently wait for service. It would be unthinkable to yell "EXCUSE ME!" in a restaurant! However, in most Japanese eateries, you'll hear people shouting "sumimasen" (excuse me), "onegaishimasu" (please), or even "oniisan" or "oneesan" (young man or young woman, respectively). It's a fast and easy way to get the servers' attention, and it's actually one of the behaviors I've embraced with enthusiasm.

Shouting in restaurants is quite common, especially in informal eateries. When you walk in a place, you might find the entire staff shouting at you! They're just welcoming you and you're not required to answer them.

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5. Not Tipping

In some countries, such as the United States, walking out of a restaurant without leaving a tip is considered the ultimate insult. It's the opposite in Japan. Never try to leave a tip because you'll just be met with confusion or the assumption that you made a mistake.

Waitstaff and other workers are paid properly in Japan, so tipping is not expected. Whatever is written on your bill is exactly what you owe. No one will chase after you for not leaving 20% extra!

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6. Being Indirect

In the West, people preach about wanting others to be completely honest all the time, even if it hurts them. Being indirect by skipping around the subject and dropping hints is considered extremely rude and a waste of time.

In Japan, you'll see the opposite. Even saying "no" to an invitation takes time. Cocking their head to the side, frowning or smiling slightly and saying "sore wa chotto..." (that's a bit...) is their way of saying "no" in an indirect and culturally "polite" way. It can be difficult to deal with, but just remember that they aren't being difficult or rude.

7. Squeezing Onto a Crowded Train

If you live in a large city with a metro, how many times have you looked at a full train and thought, "never mind, I'll get the next one"? There might be one or two people who are in a massive hurry who might jump on, annoying other passengers.

In Japan's large cities, don't be surprised to see people force their way onto trains even if they already look ready to burst. It's surprising how much extra room can actually be made. During rush hour, it isn't unusual to end up completely squashed, unable to even move your hands to take out your phone or a book.

It's something I eventually managed to make myself do (to avoid being late for work) but it's still strange to see a culture that dislikes body contact be perfectly content with shoving their butt into my stomach.

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8. Asking Someone's Age

Asking someone how old they are is pretty common among people in Japan. It's a sort of ice-breaker question, so don't be surprised if they ask you when you've just met! When interviewing someone on TV, they also often have their age next to their name in brackets.

This is quite different to the west, where most would agree that asking someone above the age of around 25 is quite rude, especially if the information isn't relevant to the conversation. Don't take offense if you're asked how old you are when you're in Japan, and feel free to say "that's a secret."

9. Not Introducing the Person You're With

In the west, if we are walking with someone such as our partner and bump into someone we know, it's extremely rude to not introduce those people to each other. Sometimes when I'm walking with my husband, we happen upon one of his friends. I used to stand there in awkward frustration, wondering why he didn't bother introducing me.

However, this is quite normal in Japan. I said hello to my neighbour, who was hanging out with some of her friends, and she didn't explain who I was to her friends either. Apparently it is considered too assertive and doesn't make sense to introduce someone who the person will likely never meet again. It's a very strange custom and likely something I will never get used to.

10. Sniffling All The Livelong Day

Have you ever been irritated by someone's constant sniffling before barking at them to grab a tissue? Bothering others with constant, annoying sniffles is considered rude in the West, but in Japan, the opposite is true.

They actually find it offensive to noisily blow your nose in public, and I've attracted some looks even for wiping away some mess from a runny nose. If you hear someone sniffing on a train or shop in Japan, remember that they're trying to be polite.

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Visiting Japan is a wonderful experience, so don't let cultural differences put you off! Most people are understanding and know that visitors don't mean any harm if they make a cultural error. It can be just as confusing for the normally polite Japanese to do something that a western person might consider rude. Keep these behaviours in mind, and you might even find yourself mimicking them!

Have You Ever Been to Japan?

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Questions & Answers

  • How do I prevent being bumped on public transportation in Japan?

    Do you mean when boarding trains? Look for emptier carriages, avoid traveling during rush hour, and stay out of the way when people are boarding. It's not possible to completely prevent being knocked or bumped, though.

  • How hard is it to get a job if you don't speak the language?

    It’s very easy to get a job teaching English even if you can’t speak a word of Japanese. I know many teachers here who don’t speak any Japanese at all. However, with other jobs it depends on the company. I had a job proofreading and editing articles (in English) and there, Japanese was a bonus but not essential to the job. Most job opportunities will say whether the ideal candidate must be able to speak the language or not. I would recommend studying at least basic Japanese to anyone planning to live here.

© 2018 Poppy

Comments

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    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      2 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Shannon, that story is crazy! She could have at least tell you what you said that hurt her so much. I've had the same experience. I freelance teach, and sometimes students would suddenly stop messaging me and asking for classes, and leave all my messages on read... I don't know what I did, either. You could ask your cousin if he can work out what happened.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      2 months ago from Texas

      Oh my gosh, this article title caught my attention because my cousin is married to a Japanese woman. I think they met when he was stationed there in the military service. They lived in the United States for a bit. I liked her, but one day she stopped talking to me out if the blue. When I asked her why, she said that I was rude to her. I never did figure out what I said that was so offensive. Whatever it was, I supposedly said it in a message on FB. I remember reading over everything I could to see if I accidentally said something that could be perceived as rude by someone else (specifically her) and found nothing. It baffled me! I did end up chalking it up to cultural differences, but I didn't realize just how true that could be until I read your informative article here.

      I actually have an idea now what type of thing I may have said that could have been so offensive. Thanks for the interesting read!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      2 months ago from UpstateWestern,New York

      Awwwww, how sweet. "Young Love" I remember it well!

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      2 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      I get homesick sometimes, but I visit Scotland and Skype my family a lot so it's OK. I live with my husband here too, so wherever he is I'm happy!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      2 months ago from UpstateWestern,New York

      OK....you certainly have acceptable reasons for choosing to live in Japan. Do you get "homesick?" Miss your friends and family from here? I'm impressed by your sense of adventure!

      Enjoy the Holidays!

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      2 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      What an interesting response! I didn't answer your question before because you asked me why I lived in Hong Kong, and I don't live in Hong Kong haha. I live in Japan because I like it. It's better than the west in a lot of ways. It's very clean and safe and the food is great too.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment on my article, it means a lot.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      2 months ago from UpstateWestern,New York

      Poppy.....Never been to Japan...more than likely, never will. Sniffling because they don't want to blow their nose? Loudly slurping food and yelling out loud in a restaurant? "How OLD are you?"...out of the clear blue sky? Avoiding eye contact?

      You got used to all that? Congratulations. In all honesty, I know myself too well. I couldn't and I wouldn't.......so it's a damned good thing I'll never go to Japan.

      My Daughter-in-law works with a couple of Japanese......she has told me that they ask very inappropriate, prying and often embarrassing questions as if it's nothing unacceptable and point out embarrassing things publicly....For instance, if you have a mark/sore of some kind on your face, they'll point and ask WHAT IS THAT? Or.....point out a spot or stain on your pants or shirt.....things that we here, would never think to do. My DIL has told me they're very unpopular for these reasons and people go to lengths to avoid interacting with them. So.......what does that tell us? Maybe Americans are not as accepting of different cultures (especially this type!) as others are of ours.?? I don't know.

      I asked you once why you live in Japan...you never answered me.....Is that a nosy question? Now I understand you are married to a Japanese fella.....will you live there always? Sounds interesting, but I'm simply an old stuffy snob and could not deal with what you've described. If I'm going to deal with rudeness, I prefer it be American rudeness, where we can respond by saying...."Hey! KISS MY ROYAL BUTT, YOU FREAK!"

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      2 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Thank you for your comment! I'm glad the article helped you out.

    • profile image

      Siddharth 

      2 months ago

      Behaviour Number 10 which you told is really bizzare. It seems very wierd. I always used to think about it. Why they act like this? Now I got it. Thank you for this post!

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      12 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Thank you!

    • profile image

      tomoyakanno 

      12 months ago

      Well done, Poppy!

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      15 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Doris, thank you very much for your thoughtful and engaging comment! It's very cool that your husband got fluent in Japanese; he must have worked hard. I think being a waitress or waiter can be very lucrative in America if you have a personality that can get you a lot of tips, but at the same time it is good to have a firm minimum wage that you can rely on, especially if the eatery in which you work doesn't have many customers. I understand both sides of the argument.

      Thank you again for your comment, and I wish you a wonderful day. I hope your husband continues to look back on his time in Japan with fondness.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James MizBejabbers 

      15 months ago from Beautiful South

      Poppy, I enjoyed your article. My husband was stationed at Tachikaiwa air base for two years during the Vietnam War. He attended college at the University of Tokyo and became fluent in Japanese. Needless to say, he loves the Japanese people, and I get a real kick from hearing him talk about their customs. I really agree with them on no. 5 tipping. I firmly believe employers should pay their employees and not get a nearly free ride from their customers. My granddaughter works in a restaurant and disagrees with me because she would starve without tips. Anyway, you write very well and I hope you will keep it up.

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      20 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Thank you very much, Galaxy! I hope you get to visit at some point.

    • GALAXY 59 profile image

      Galaxy Harvey 

      20 months ago from United Kingdom

      Fascinating! I would love to visit Japan one day.

    • carolynkaye profile image

      carolynkaye 

      20 months ago from USA

      This is so interesting. I've never been to Japan but hope to one day and these are all good to know. Thanks for sharing :)

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      20 months ago from UK

      Thanks for this cultural insight. It's very helpful.

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      20 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      I agree. I always overtipped when I visited the UK out of fear they'd yell at me if I didn't.

    • Cheeky Kid profile image

      Cheeky Kid 

      20 months ago from Milky Way

      Oh how I wish 'not tipping' was a thing for the rest of the world. I mean, tipping is very subjective (like there are many factors in play when tipping someone or getting tipped). It's better that workers are paid right than them relying on tips.

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      20 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Haha, Diana!! You'd fit in well here! :)

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      20 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Thank you, Flourish, as always!

    • poppyr profile imageAUTHOR

      Poppy 

      20 months ago from Tokyo, Japan

      Thank you so much, Rosa! Hope you're doing well :D

    • I Am Rosa profile image

      Rosa Marchisella 

      20 months ago from Canada

      "Waiting staff and other workers are paid properly in Japan" - love it!!

      Great info, Poppy!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      20 months ago from USA

      I thoroughly enjoyed this cultural lesson.

    • Kiane profile image

      Diana 

      20 months ago from Kyiv

      It was interesting to read! Thank you :))

      I find myself often deflecting compliments, though I am not Japanese! Hahah))

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