More Funny Southern Sayings and Southernisms From Readers

Southernisms and Funny Southern Sayings

Well, doggone it, I must have started something when I wrote my first article on southern sayings! Those Southerners, bless their pea-pickin’ hearts, just popped up out of the cornfield with a whole passel of sayings that I had never heard before. Sayings that came from their old Daddy or Mama, Grandma or Aunt Sadie and were carried on in family tradition spreading across the country and even up into Yankee country.

For your enjoyment, I’ve collected some of the southernisms (that really is a word, y’all!) and funny southern sayings that were left in the comments section of my article: Funny Southern Sayings - Meaning of Southern Expressions. Thank you everyone who added to my collection of funny Southern sayings!

I hope you get as much of a chuckle out of these additional funny southern sayings as I did.

Sayings About Being Slow

So we're off like a herd of turtles with Sherry Hewins, whose Texas mom says:

• You're slower than cream rising on buttermilk. (For those of you who never lived down on the farm, there is no cream on buttermilk!)

Southern Heat

Two of our favorite Tammies like these funny sayings about being hot:

Tammyswallow says:

• It is hotter than two rats f*****g in a wool sock.

• It is hotter than a jalapeno's coochie.(That is pretty hot!)

tammybarnette says,

• It's hotter than forty hells in here.

• I'm sweating like a whore in church.

Southernisms From Way Back

mollymeadows has a few interesting southernisms from her family:

• A crowded room is "working alive."
• A freezing morning is "cold as a wedge."
• A man and women who are having an argument can be said to have "fit."
• If they "foughten," it means they were throwing chairs.

PurvisBobbi44 has an aunt who really did say:

• Kiss my grits!

Expressions From Transplanted Southerners

Lilleyth discovered that

• A “buggy” is a shopping cart.

Denise Handlon found that

• Knee babies are toddlers.

• And “tea” can only mean southern-style sweet tea!

Favorite Southern Sayings

If something is really, really, good, FreezeFrame34 says:

• That’s so good, it makes me wanna slap my mamma! (No joke, Yankees, this saying is also the basis for brand of seasonings called Slap Ya Mamma!)

robie2 has two favorite Southern sayings:

• Slicker than sh*t on a hoe handle.
• She was nervous as a whore in church.

RedElf explains his favorite saying,

• We done plowed this furrow clean down to the bedrock! Time to rest the mule, Ma. (Translation: We've already discussed this - let's move on...)

Marcy Goodfleisch has a list:

• I'll kill you and swear you died.
• If you don't stop, I'll tear your arm off and beat you to death with the bloody stump. (A favorite of frustrated moms when kids are being wild.)
• It was a bird's nest on the ground. (It was easy, a piece of cake, fell into his hands)
• Half a brick short of a load
• Fixin' to go
• Let's call a spade a shovel

Are You From the South?

MarcusJ tells this story about his uncle:

• When he was angry with us kids and about to dispense some country discipline on u, he would say "Boy, I'm about to cloud up and rain all over you."

WD Curry 111:

• Is a five-pound robin fat? (Apparently, it’s obvious!)
• If you are feeling froggy . . . jump! (Translation: If you want to fight . . . make a move.)
• I think you are as fine as frog's hair, and as sweet as Cleopatra's wine. (That’s a compliment!)

KCap adds these colorful sayings:

• He is as happy as a pig in poop.
• I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. (Translation: I'm not that gullible.) (My Dad likes to mix this with "I wasn't born yesterday" and say "I didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday.")
• Lunch puppy. (Someone who eats a lot.)
• Lord willing and the creek don't rise. (I will do my best.)
• I feel like a can of mashed assholes. (I'm hungover.)

Nasty Habit from West Virginia added these knee-slappers the list:

• It takes money to ride the train and drink likker. (Can't afford whatever yer wantin' to buy.)
• It won't be long now, said the cat when they cut off its tail. (About having patience.)
• It'll make yer liver quiver and yer bladder splatter. (About something funny or surprising.)
• Don't get yer bowels in an uproar, yer kidneys in a downpour and yer liver in a jar. (Calm down.)
• "It will make yer tongue slap yer brains out." (Delicious!)

Talk About Slow and Ugly!

xstatic says that an old friend used to say:

• He ain't good lookin' but he sure is dumb.
• And his mama said, "She is so ugly, her face would turn sweet milk to clabber (sour)."

sgbrown finally explains the popcorn fart:

• Now, regarding the "popcorn fart." My hubby and I agreed on this: popcorn is very dry and gives you gas. Thus: "dryer than a popcorn fart." Now...Eatin' greens might give you "wet farts," so be careful there!

JayeWisdom claims she's “a deep-fried Southerner," and reminds us of these popular Southern expressions:

• Pshaw!

• That dog won’t hunt.

prektjr.dc says:

• It's handier than a shirt on a pocket!

"Haints" explained:

Georgie Lowery, a Southerner transplanted to Yankee territory, informs us:

• A "haint" is a ghost, or a haunt. One thing I do remember about the people who were really old when I was a kid, was that if you put a colander under the bed, the haint would get confused. It would have to stop and count all the holes in it before it could mess with you. (My best friend, who is also a Southerner, said that it was the same with witches. People would often put something with a lot of holes for the witch to count by keyholes in doors and in chimneys.)

Hillbilly77 contributed some great Alabama Southernisms:

• A strong fart in a whirlwind would blow him away. (Referring to an extremely thin person.)
• Lost as last year's Easter egg. (Confused.)
• Got on a frog. (Farted.)
• Slicker than greased owl s**t. (Something looks nice or has a smooth surface. Can also be used to describe con artists, scoundrels, and silk-tongued lawyers.)
• Useless as hen-s**t on a pump handle. (Someone not very intelligent.)
• Hotter than a pepper sprout. (Very hot.)
• Did it in a fever. (Made an uninformed, rash decision.)

Whitney adds:

• You're going to hell on a scholarship. (A full ride to hell.)
• She's so fat, if she had to haul ass, she'd have to make two trips.
• She's so skinny, she'd fall through her ass and hang herself.

And from some Southern Grandmas:

• He has less sense than you could slap on a gnat's a** with a butter paddle!
• He's nothing but a fancified fart! (Someone not worth your time.)
• If you can't cut the mustard, lick the jar! (If you can't do it one way, do it another.)

Old Favorite Terms

Crazy

• Actin’ crazier than a sprayed roach.

Fast

• Faster than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking competition.

Not Naïve

• This ain’t my first rodeo.

Broke

• So broke, I can’t pay attention.

Kids

• Crumb-snatchers

Messed up or crooked

• Wonky
• All jacked-up
• Katty-wampus

Not Smart

• He's dumber 'n a coalbucket.
• The light's on but nobody's home.
• The elevator don't quite reach the top.
• She's dumber than a bag of hammers.
• He couldn't tell his a** from a hole in the ground.

Thanks to Readers for Your Contributions

I'd like to thank all of the readers who commented on my first article on funny southern sayings and who made this article possible by contributing the southernisms above. If you haven't already read my flagship article on Funny Southern Sayings, well, be sure to click on the link above for a rib-tickling read.

So there you go, boys and girls. I hope you've enjoyed this list of southernisms, courtesy of my favorite readers and writers.

Y'all come back now!

Questions & Answers

Question: What is a Southern expression for super slow drivers?

Answer: "If they were going any slower, they'd be going backwards."

Question: What is a funny Southern expression for talking?

Answer: A few expressions for talking freely are: Running off your mouth; flapping your lips; loose lips; spouting off. I'm sure there are many more.

Question: What is Southern slang about feeling nervous?

Answer: The expression that comes to mind is, "nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs".