Funny Southern Sayings, Expressions, and Slang

Updated on May 10, 2015
Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie shows off her quirky sense of humor by taking a new slant on various current topics.

Whatcha gonna do when the crick runs dry?
Whatcha gonna do when the crick runs dry? | Source

Translating Southern Sayings

As a transplanted Yankee living in the South, I am often surprised and amazed by the colorful Southern things I hear. Of course, there are the good old standbys we all know and love, like "y'all" and "down yonder." But the richness of Southern speech goes far beyond one or two-word expressions and there's a Southern expression for every occasion.

While their images and colloquialisms tickle the funny bone, Southern expressions usually convey exactly what the speaker intended. No one can mistake the intent and meaning of "I'm going to jerk a knot in your tail!" On the other hand, there are some Southernisms that it might take a Yankee like me years to figure out without a translator.

For example, here is an expression I've never ever heard above the Mason-Dixon line: "That possum's on the stump!" (Translation: That's as good as it gets!)

Or this one: "His heart is a thumpin' gizzard." (Translation: He's cold-hearted and cruel.)

Whether you are from another part of the country or from another country altogether, I hope you enjoy this collection of Southern sayings.

Pitching a hissy fit.
Pitching a hissy fit. | Source

When a Southerner Gets Angry:

  • He's got a burr in his saddle.
  • His knickers are in a knot.
  • She's having a hissy fit.
  • She has a hissy fit with a tail on it. (When she’s more pissed off.)
  • He has a duck fit. (One step above a hissy fit.)
  • She has a dying duck fit. (Translation: Run and hide!)

Southern Sayings About Bad Character:

  • You're lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.
  • He's slicker'n owl sh*t.
  • She’s meaner than a wet panther.
  • He's a snake in the grass.
  • Why, that egg-suckin' dawg!

When Southerners Are Busy:

  • I been running all over hell's half acre.
  • She's busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
  • I'm as busy as a one-legged cat in a sandbox.
  • Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Running like a headless chicken.
Running like a headless chicken. | Source

Southern Sayings About Conceit and Vanity:

  • She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
  • She’s stuck up higher than a light-pole.
  • She has her nose so high in the air she could drown in a rainstorm.
  • He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

(Most of these comments are made about women. Apparently, Southern men are not stuck up.)

Southern Expressions About Being Cheap:

  • He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
  • He's tighter than a bull’s ass at fly time.
  • Tighter than a flea’s ass over a rain barrel.
  • He’s so cheap he wouldn’t give a nickel to see Jesus ridin’ a bicycle.

Southern Phrases About Being Broke or Poor:

  • Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.
  • I'm as poor as a church mouse.
  • I'm so poor I can't afford to pay attention.
  • He was so poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.
  • I couldn’t buy a hummingbird on a string for a nickel.
  • I’m so poor I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime.
  • He doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.
Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.

Dressed Too Scantily? They Will Say:

  • Those pants were so tight I could see her religion.
  • You're gonna have old and new-monia dressed like that!
  • Lawd, people will be able to see to Christmas!
  • Law, pull that down! We kin see clear to the promised land!

Southerners Experiencing a Drought Might Say:

  • It's so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
  • I swan, you all musta pissed God off somehow. It’s drier than a popcorn fart ‘round these parts. (Translation: Ya got me... I don't know what a popcorn fart is!)

Confused? In the South, They Might Say:

  • He doesn't know whether to check his ass or scratch his watch.
  • He couldn't find his ass with both hands in his back pockets.
  • He's about as confused as a fart in a fan factory.
  • She's lost as last year's Easter egg.

(As we Yankees say, "These people don't know which way is up.")

Well, that just DILLS my PICKLE!
Well, that just DILLS my PICKLE!

Southerners Know Happiness When They See It:

  • He's as happy as if he had good sense.
  • Happier than ol' Blue layin' on the porch chewin' on a big ol' catfish head.
  • Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. (Translation: Apparently pretty happy.)
  • Grinnin' like a possum eatin' a sweet tater.
  • Well that just dills my pickle.

Expressions About Laziness:

  • Won't hit a lick at a snake. (Translation: So lazy he wouldn’t chase a snake away.)
  • He's about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule.

Colloquialisms for Unmentionables:

"Over-the-shoulder boulder holders." (Translation: A very large bra.)

Over-the-shoulder boulder holder?
Over-the-shoulder boulder holder?

Irritation Brings Out Some Creative Southern Expressions:

  • She gets my goose.
  • He just makes my ass itch!
  • Yankees are like hemorrhoids: Pain in the butt when they come down and always a relief when they go back up.
  • That would make a bishop mad enough to kick in stained glass windows.
  • She could make a preacher cuss!
  • She could piss off the pope.
  • If you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to cry about!
  • She could start an argument in an empty house.
  • He's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine/a trapdoor on a canoe.
  • That makes about as much sense as tits on a bull.
  • Quit goin' around your ass to get to your elbow.

Colorful Southern Expressions About Liars:

  • Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!
  • Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.
  • That dog won't hunt.
  • You're lyin' like a no-legged dog!
  • If his lips's movin', he's lyin'.
  • You’d call an alligator a lizard.
  • That man is talking with his tongue out of his shoe.
  • He's as windy as a sack full of farts.

(The most creative expression about liars I've heard in the North is "Lying like a rug." Southerners have much more colorful ways of accusing a liar.)

Southernisms About Stupidity:

  • If that boy had an idea, it would die of loneliness.
  • The porch light's on, but no one's home.
  • He's only got one oar in the water.
  • If brains were leather, he wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug.
  • He's so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
  • He hasn't got the sense God gave a goose.
  • When the Lord was handin' out brains, that fool thought God said trains, and he passed 'cause he don't like to travel.
  • His brain rattles around like a BB in a boxcar.
  • There's a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a higher IQ.
  • So dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.
  • He don't know s**t from shinola. (Now this one I've heard in New Jersey....)
  • If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

He is so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He is so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.

Surprised Southerners Might Come Out With This:

These are probably some of my very favorites!

  • Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
  • Well, slap my head and call me silly!
  • You little cotton-picker!

When Something Smells Really Bad, a Southerner Says:

  • He smelled bad enough to gag a maggot.
  • Something smells bad enough to knock a dog off a gut wagon.

If You Hear These Southern Expressions, You Better Watch Out:

Either somebody's in real trouble, or there's a fight brewing if you hear...

  • I'm gonna cut your tail!
  • I’m gonna jerk her bald!
  • Keep it up and I'll cancel your birth certificate.
  • I am going to jerk a knot in your tail.
  • You don’t know dip sh** from apple butter!
  • Me-n-you are gonna mix.
  • You don't watch out, I'm gonna cream yo' corn.
  • You better give your heart to Jesus, 'cause your butt is mine.
  • I'll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleeping.
  • I’m gonna tan your hide.
  • I'll knock you into the middle of next week looking both ways for Sunday!
  • I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today.

I'm going to jerk a knot in your tail.
I'm going to jerk a knot in your tail.

Southern Expressions for Speed (Fast or Slow):

  • Faster than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking competition.
  • Faster than green grass through a goose.
  • Faster than a hot knife through butter.
  • Slower than a Sunday afternoon.
  • You took as long as a month of Sundays.
  • We're off like a herd of turtles.
  • He ran like a scalded haint. (I don't know what a "haint" is, but apparently a scalded one can run really fast!)
  • It happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth.

Ugly or Looking Bad?

Now these are really unkind, but funny as heck!

  • He's so ugly, he didn't get hit with the ugly stick, he got whopped with the whole forest!
  • He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
  • So ugly she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.
  • So ugly he’d scare a buzzard off a gut pile.
  • She's so ugly I'd hire her to haunt a house!
  • If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
  • She is so ugly, her face would turn sweet milk to clabber.

When the ugliness is just temporary:

  • I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.
  • I feel like I been 'et by a wolf and sh** over a cliff.
  • He looks like ten miles of bad road.
  • You look like you've been rode hard and put up wet!

When Southerners Are Well Fed, They Are:

  • Fat as a tick.

If he were an inch taller, he'd be round.
If he were an inch taller, he'd be round.

Southern Observations About Weight:

  • He's so skinny, if he stood sideways and stuck out his tongue, he'd look like a zipper.
  • She's so skinny, you can't even see her shadow.
  • She's spread out like a cold supper.
  • If he were an inch taller, he'd be round.

Of the Wealthy:

  • Sh**tin’ in high cotton.
  • He's richer'n Croesus.
  • He's so rich he buys a new boat when he gets the other one wet.

A Hungry Southerner Says:

  • I'm so hungry my belly thinks my throat's been cut.
  • I could eat the north end of a south-bound polecat.
  • I'm so hungry I could eat the north end of a south-bound goat.

Colorful Expressions About the Weather:

Like some of the other Southern phrases, a few of these might not be appropriate in mixed company.

  • Colder than a well digger's butt in January.
  • It was colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
  • That rain was a real frogwash.
  • It rained like a cow pissin' on a flat rock.
  • Hotter than blue blazes.
  • It's colder than a penguin's balls.
  • It’s hotter than two rabbits screwin’ in a wool sock!
  • It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.
  • Colder than a banker's heart on foreclosure day at the widows' and orphans' home.
  • It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
  • It's cold enough to freeze the tit off a frog.
  • It is hotter than a jalapeño's coochie.

All-Purpose Southern Expressions We Couldn't Do Without:

  • Y'all.
  • All y'all.
  • Down yonder.
  • Bless your pea-pickin' little heart!
  • Kiss my go-to-hell.

  • I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire.
  • If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch.
  • Why so sad? Did Chevrolet stop makin’ trucks?
  • Deep in the South where sushi is still called bait.
  • He's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
  • That sticks in your throat like a hair in a biscuit.
  • You’re so fulla s**t your eyes are brown.
  • He was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
  • He couldn't carry a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on it.

The Southern word for "sushi" is "bait."
The Southern word for "sushi" is "bait."

Southern Slang

Word
Part of Speech
Translation
Example
bread basket
noun
stomach
His bread basket is bigger than a bread basket, if you know what I mean.
britches
noun
pants
HIs britches are so tight they make his legs look like hot dogs.
cattywampus
adjective
askew or awry; cockeyed
The storm knocked the clothes on the clothesline all cattywampus!
fetch/fetching
verb/adjective
go get/good looking
I'm gonna fetch me the most fetching filly I can find.
fixin'
verb
getting ready
I'm fixin' to fix the porch door after I finish this sweet tea.
gussied up
adjective
dressed up; fancy
She's so gussied up you'd think it was a beauty contest.
hankerin'
verb or noun
hunger or yearning
I have a hankerin' for biscuits and gravy.
highfalutin'
adjective
fancy, pompous, or pretentious
He's so highfalutin' he thinks his sh*t tastes like sherbert.
lick
noun
a small amount
I can't hear a lick with all this hooplah.
piddlin'
adjective or verb
fiddling, puttering, or pottering around
Quit your piddlin' and get to work!
plumb
adjective
entirely, completely
She's plumb crazy.
ruckus
noun
a disturbance or commotion
He made such a ruckus he woke the possums.
skedaddle
verb
run away; hurry
You better skedaddle before you get caught!
uppity
adjective
haughty, arrogant
He's so uppity he deserves a PhD in snobbery.
whup
verb
whip or beat
I'm gonna whup you where the sun don't shine!

Southern Expression Poll

How many of these southern sayings have you heard?

See results
Did she just fall off the turnip truck?
Did she just fall off the turnip truck?

That's All She Wrote...

Well, that's all she wrote, y'all. I've looked all over hell and half of Georgia to find the best and funniest Southern sayings for all y'all, and I sure hope they tickled you as much as they tickled me.

And if y'all have any more fine Southern sayings, well, bless yer pea pickin' hearts, just let 'er rip, tater chip, and jot them down in the comments section below. I'm just happier than a dead pig in sunshine to have all y'all visiting me here today and taking the time to sit awhile and share your thoughts.

If you enjoyed this, be sure to visit "More Funny Southern Sayings and Southernisms from Readers."

Copyright ©2015 Stephanie Henkel

Yankees just can't pass for Southerners!

Well, we try...
Well, we try... | Source

Questions & Answers

  • Do you have any insight on where the expression "I'm going to the house" comes from? Also, do you have any good comebacks when someone asks you, "What do you know?"

    "I'm going to the house" is such a common expression, I'm not sure it originated in any specific region.

    "What do you know?" It's always been a rhetorical question, but I imagine someone with a quick wit could come up with a funny, sarcastic answer. I haven't heard any particular witty comebacks lately, though, have you?

  • Would please explain the expression 'speak of the devil,' and verify that it is a Southern saying?

    "Speak of the devil" is part of the expression, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear." The expression is used when one is speaking about a person who is absent and then suddenly shows up. It was also once used to warn against saying the devil's name for fear he would appear.

    The expression is old and could have originated as an old English proverb. It is not a particularly a Southern saying.

  • What is the meaning of the Southern saying "Low in the hole"?

    I have not heard that one before, but I would guess that it means "keep your head down if you want to avoid trouble". Perhaps it's a term carried over from wartime when soldiers hid in foxholes to avoid enemy fire?

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    • profile image

      Beth Grace 

      2 weeks ago

      Most of the southernisms with which I was raised were about driving:

      He's too slow to stop fast.

      He's slower than cream rising on buttermilk. (Cream never rises on buttermilk.)

      She's slower than molasses in January.

      Grandma was slow, but she was old.

      When the stoplight has changed:

      Whatcha waiting for -- another shade of green?

      Whatcha waiting for -- an act of Congress?

      It don't get any greener.

    • profile image

      PeachPicker 

      3 weeks ago

      All of these had me grinnin like a mule eatin' briers.

      Thanks for the list!

    • profile image

      ANDY 

      3 weeks ago

      My father in law always said," If I had that, and he had a feather up his butt, we'd both be tickled", if he saw something that he liked. And if someone had a real hot rod of a car, he'd say "I bet that thing would pass anything but a gas station".

    • profile image

      Faith 

      7 weeks ago

      Ah love your article it was as good as a dead pig in the sun if you know what i mean.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      7 weeks ago from USA

      Queenie - Thanks a bunch for lots of new sayings to add to our list!

    • profile image

      Queenie Hankinson 

      7 weeks ago

      My daddy was from the Deep South and we lived off an on in Alabama, Georgia, and Florida.

      Here are a few of his sayings:

      "One monkey don't stop no show" same as "git 'er done" or keep working.

      He could hear so well, he could hear a mouse pi $$ing on cotton.

      If we acted silly we were acting like BOO BOO the fool.

      If we were real excited we were "regular happy jacks "

      If he wanted us to work harder he said "All I want to see is a $$holes and elbows"

      If he was about to lay someone out he would say, "Imma beat your head 'til it rope like okry"

      Typical sayings "whatchoo know 'bout dat?" And "stay in your lane" which means you are an outsider and outside of your element

      "What's good"? Which usually means you ain't.

      Right as rain

      "Imma leave that alone" change the subject

      Stop pressing means to cease stressing someone

      "You ain't goin to worry me"

      You are slow as molasses

      'I don't truck with that" means don't mess with that.

      Hit dogs holler means the guilty always whine a lot.

      A woman could look so good, you could sop her up with a biscuit.

      A woman so skinny she looks like death eating a cracker

      If you lie down with dogs, you will wake up with fleas

      We have tons of stuff like this. So many, that if you ain't from around our way, ya just can't cotton. Lol

    • profile image

      Jo 

      2 months ago

      Who licked the red off your candy?

      Colder than a well-digger in I-da-ho.

      Knock the pee-walling duck do out of you...

      Oh, she's got a corn cob stuck up her butt about something.

    • profile image

      Samantha 

      2 months ago

      If I say something surprising or she gets scared, my grandma says "oh, my goodness, great balls of fire!"

    • profile image

      Brandy 

      3 months ago

      Oh!!! And can't forget what a gravel flip is! It's a bra, they used to make good sling shots I take it. Lol

    • profile image

      Brandy 

      3 months ago

      I live in East TN. My dad is from back "yonder" in the mountains, so he says these things daily. I'm 34 and use them often myself. I love all the colorful expressions and words here.

      Play pretties= toys

      Colors=crayons

      Poke is a bag.

      Coke used to mean any soda.

      Pole cat is a skunk.

      Haint is a ghost, btw. ;-)

      sweatin more than / as nervous / hotter than) a whore in tha church house. = You are really REALLY sweatin/nervous/hot

      I'm so hungry my belly is eatin my backbone. = I'm starving!

      Ive not been to church in so long I'm afraid the roof will fall in. = It's been a long time.

      She's happier than a pig in shit. = She's REALLY happy!

      You couldn't hit the broad side a barn! = You have bad aim.

      I ain't seen you in a coons age!= It's been a long time since you seen each other.

      Or

      I ain't seen you in a month of Sundays! = Means same as above.

      You'd make Jesus cuss!= When someone is aggravating you/gettin on ur nerves/ making you angry. Usually used in an argument.

      I can't carry a tune in a bucket. = Im a terrible singer.

      And my personal favorite I use alot is:

      He wouldn't know his ass from a whole in the ground. = Meaning someone you think is stupid/ dumb / don't know what they are doing.

      We have many many more sayings down here. It's kinda sad tho bc the expressions are dying out with each generation.

    • profile image

      Randall 

      3 months ago

      I have heard a few that I didn't see here. My wife was talking about a girl she knew one time and said, you know if that girl had as many sticking out of her as she has had stuck in her, she would look like a Porcupine. I like to have fell out.I had never heard that one before. She has a cousin, and I took him hunting one day, and while driving down a dirt road I noticed him squirming around acting anxious, and I asked what's wrong with you? And he said, pull over! Pull over! He said, I got to shit like a crippled Coon. I looked at him as he had beads of sweat running down his face, and pulled over instantly, let him out, and then I fell out laughing as I pictured a crippled Racoon doing his business. Also my dad had a saying when I would ask him for things I wanted when I was young that he considered ridiculous. He would say, put you wants in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up the fastest. I miss my dad a lot. I think of some of the things he used to say and do, and it always makes me smile. Thanks.

    • profile image

      kdb1861 

      4 months ago

      I enjoyed your witty article. I am from South Carolina and have family all over the state. My father told me that a come along winch snapped and knocked him to the ground...that is knocked him so hard, the eagle fell off of the quarter.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      4 months ago from USA

      TNGal - Thank you so much for your funny, insightful comments! I did enjoy reading your take on my article, and I'm so thrilled to have inspired it. I really have to note the new saying you've mentioned, thought it is gross. Having a couple of cats, I can visualize this much more clearly than I really would like!

      Stephanie

    • profile image

      TNGal 

      4 months ago

      Oh my gaaawd!!!! This was fantastic!! The comments are a must read as well. I'm from east TN and heard a saying I had never heard and was Gooling it to see if it was common and ran across this...didn't find the saying, not repeating it, hated it, it was offensive..but have laughed so HARD IM CRYING!! WE "all us southerners" are HILARIOUS! How could anyone not like these? I AM gonna clear up a couple things. First off "cotton pickin" is NOT RACIAL..UNLESS said like "you little cotton picker" THAT IS RACIST...but NO ONE EVER SAYS THAT...its Cotton Pickin and is used in place of a cuss word..THATS IT PERIOD POINT BLANK. I DONT care if its origins are racist the fact is some words change. GAY is a perfect example...NO ONE ALIVE says gay for happy. Same with cotton pickin. Secondly of ALL THE SAYINGS the one I use DAILY is POPCORN FART!! Will you hand me that water my mouth is drier than a popcorn fart. That turkey is drier than a popcorn fart. Why isn't this one self explanatory? Popcorn is dry I'm sure their farts would b drier! LOL! Ohhh the logic. What is so great about the southern language is that WE even have to say HUH...sometimes...and there are tons that are similar but one word can change the whole saying...someone mentioned dumber than owl s#!t...the saying here which makes more sense is..Its slicker than owl s#!t...means be careful roads are wet/icey. Finally I am going to leave you w/the east TN version..and by far grossest and unique sayings that will actually change ur mind after u have said it..I'm so hungry I could eat the greasy string out of a cats a$$! Gag! Takes a min to get ur appetite back after hearing that one! LOL!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS. BOOKMARK!

    • profile image

      Paul 

      4 months ago

      Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

    • profile image

      Sheila Rae 

      4 months ago

      Although born and raised in the South (mom, Washington State - dad, NC), my mother in law said this: Well, the cat can have kittens in the oven, but we ain't gonna call em biscuits.

      Also, if your aren't from a place you're from "off" - often used in conjunction with "bless her heart" as an explanation.

      Georgetown SC

    • profile image

      Sheila Rae 

      4 months ago

      Good meal - Make your tongue slap your face

      Or

      Make you push you momma in the fire (trying to get to the table).

      Georgetown, SC

    • profile image

      ChaosMom 

      4 months ago

      My favorites: faster'n'a Black Cat out of a tar pit in hell, and, more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, (also sweatin' like a whore on judgement day).

    • profile image

      Dave Dunn from Arkansas 

      4 months ago

      My dad would when had a bad excuse for something

      “A frog wouldn’t bump his ass if he’d grow wings “

    • profile image

      Sissy 

      5 months ago

      All be a swig row monkey

      All be swiggled

    • profile image

      Virginia 

      5 months ago

      He’s got more money than a show dog can jump over

    • profile image

      Virginia Whedon 

      5 months ago

      Busier than a one armed paper hanger

    • profile image

      Trish 

      5 months ago

      I grew up hearing, he's busier than a one armed paper hanger. Now, my grands think I'm referring to note book paper!!

    • profile image

      wolfman 

      5 months ago

      She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water

    • profile image

      claire osullivan1 

      5 months ago

      My mom was from GA, and when she was all tuckered out, she'd say 'I feel like I been drug through a knot hole backwards.'

      Also heard 'He can hear a gnat fart in a whirlwind.'

      He or she is 'hotter than a stolen tamale.'

      'She's as scared as a whore in church'. Or 'as scared as a sinner in a cyclone.'

      'This looks like your're a kid missing a box of crayons.' (a confusing mess)

    • profile image

      B Lapsley 

      5 months ago

      Of corn squeez’ns “It’ll roll your socks up and down”

    • profile image

      RJ Piper 

      5 months ago

      You guys needed to add one more answer to the voters board.

      " Not From The South And Heard Most Of Them "

      And with that said

      Tickle Me Pink

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      5 months ago from USA

      Well, these are cuter than socks on a rooster! Thanks for the laughs this morning!

    • profile image

      Patrick from Kentucky 

      6 months ago

      In the South, these sayings are really a part of everyday conversation...so here goes a few I hear in the Bluegrass State:

      "She's prettier than socks on a rooster!"

      "He's as useless as a white crayon!"

      "He's stranger than a football bat!"

      "She's confused as a baby raccoon!"

      "He's confused as a fat kid eatin' a salad!"

      "You can't fix stupid...not even with duct tape!"

      "She's uglier than a mud fence!"

      "She's stranger than a three legged duck!"

      "He's sadder than a one-car funeral!"

      I love reading all of these from everyone..."I ma FIXING to read the rest of them right now! LOL

    • profile image

      Kathy 

      6 months ago

      My mom hasn’t always had a colorful mouth and growing up a heard these on a regular basis:

      Want in one hand and shit in the other and see which gets full first.

      I dIdn’t know whether to shit or go blind.

      If you throw enough shit on the roof, somethings gotta stick (when filling out job applications)

      The eagle has landed (on payday)

      My dogs are barking (tired feet)

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      6 months ago from USA

      Sigh...perhaps, but my understanding is that farmers of any race would pick cotton for a living in the southern states. I hope this isn't taken as a racial slur.

    • profile image

      Andi85 

      6 months ago

      Just a friendly note: it seems as though the expression 'cotton pickin' may have it's roots in slavery and thus seen as a racial slur.

    • profile image

      Kissing Kate 

      6 months ago

      Not my circus, Not my Monkeys

      (You say when you are tried of being around people or other people's children)

    • profile image

      Andy loves it 

      6 months ago

      For real

    • profile image

      Western North Carolina 

      6 months ago

      Dumber than a bag of hair

      Ugly as ten days of bad weather

      Ugly as five miles of bombed out run way

      He lies when the truth would be as good

      Caniption fit

      Finer than frog hair

      Didn’t know whether to s**t or wind his watch

      Buying a pig in a poke

      Rare as chicken lips

      A couple bricks shy of a load

      Too dumb to come in out of a shower of s**t

      Those pants fit her like two coats of Kentone

      Common as crap on a boot

      Madder than a wet hen

      That dog won’t hunt

      It’s time to piss on the fire and call in the dogs

      I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him

      Beat him like a stepchild

      Useless as an egg sucking dog

      Sweating like a whore in church

      If you’re feeling froggy then jump

    • profile image

      Phillip Ball 

      6 months ago

      Yes, a haint is a ghost, but it also describes a woman who wears too much makeup. She has so much powder on her face, she looks pale like a ghost. If you've had too much to eat, you are "too stuffed to jump". A booger is an unknown terror, as in "I wouldn't go in them dark woods, a booger might get me". I enjoyed your article. Thanks.

    • profile image

      BonRay 

      6 months ago

      I know some women say I'm going to drain my lily, for going to the bathroom. I'll be back, I gotta drain my lily.

    • profile image

      Rj 

      6 months ago

      nice, even though i haven't heard all of thees, i've heard quite a few (being southern and all that jazz) its hard to find blogs that give you terms southerners actually use. bravo!

    • profile image

      Felmlee 

      6 months ago

      Its raining so hard the frogs are lined up on the bank with raincoats on

    • profile image

      Dee 

      6 months ago

      I loved your article. I'm not from the south personally but I liked all of the saying. I thought that some where really fun and even true to me.

    • profile image

      Edward 

      7 months ago

      Friends of mine in the South say, "I'm touchin' cotton," when they have to go to the bathroom.

    • profile image

      jerry james from south georgia 

      7 months ago

      don't never insult a southern man unless you're ready to fight him.

    • profile image

      Robert F. Royce Deep Yankee 

      7 months ago

      You missed a good one. "There's no education in the second kick of a mule."

    • profile image

      ED 

      7 months ago

      He's as useless as tits on a borehog! She's as nervous as a whore in church!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      7 months ago from USA

      Thanks you, Saige! These are some terrific new (to me) sayings. I'll be adding them to my next list!

    • profile image

      Saige 

      7 months ago

      I really like your article! I'm from the south.. Here are some more sayings I heard growing up and still hear today.

      Stupid:

      *His brain is like a BB in a boxcar.

      *She's about as clever as the summer is cold.

      *If brains were dynamite, he couldn't get a lightning bug's ass to blink.

      *She puts the apple in his eye and the pea in his brain. (he's a fool in love)

      Exclamations:

      *Well, don't that just throw your hat in the crick? (mild disappointment)

      *That's the whole hushpuppy? (that's all?)

      *Well, I'll be the son of a biscuit!

      *Aw shucks, (verbally blushing) or, well shucks! (almost cussing)

      Describing folks:

      *He's slicker than a greased pig. (he's a sidewinder)

      *She's the run of rumor mill. (she's a gossip)

      *He thinks he's the cream of the crop, but everyone and their uncle knows he ain't green beans. (he's a bluffing braggart)

      *She's madder than a wet hen.

      *She's madder than a rattler in a rainstorm.

      *She's madder than a twister in a cabbage patch.

      *You no account, cotton pickin, yellow bellied fool!

      (you low-down coward)

      *I bet that boy's got a butt full of buckshot. (he's a scoundrel)

      *He's got a chest full of woodpeckers. (he's nervous, his heart is beating faster than a jack rabbit)

      *He's as stubborn as a mule and tougher than a goat. (he's hard-headed)

      *God bless her, 'cus Lord knows I can't. (I'm at my wits end with her)

      *I've known him since he was knee-high to a grasshopper/boll weevil. (I've known him all his life)

      *Shuck 'n jive (a plot to fool somebody)

      *She wound up on the wrong side of the briar patch. (her shuck 'n jive backfired)

      *Juke 'n jive (dance and drink)

      *She's been bar hoppin' like a cooped up cricket/kangaroo. (she's been jukin' 'n jivin' a mite too much)

      *Get your tongue untied before you hang yourself with it. (Quit rambling/start explaining before you say too much)

      *We gotta be slyer than a fox in a hen house. (we need to be sneaky)

      *We gotta run faster than a fox from a hen house. (we got busted)

      *Happy as an ant at a church picnic.

      :)

    • profile image

      Angela 

      8 months ago

      I love this

    • profile image

      Stephanie 

      8 months ago

      (sleeping)

      He's saw'n logs

      Raising the rafters.

      (better hurry up)

      He needs to S*** or get off the pot!

      (been in the bathroom to long)

      Think the polecat got him.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      8 months ago from USA

      Thanks for a few new ones, Glenn. I like the one about trying to put frogs in a wheelbarrow!

    • profile image

      Glenn 

      8 months ago

      Can't stop ya from doing it but I'll break ya of the habit; implies you better quit while you are ahead.

      Happier than a puppy with three tails; Implies so excited I can't stand it

      Does a fat baby fart? Implies yes

      This is worse than trying to put frogs in a wheelbarrow; implies mass confusion

      Your about as smart as a bucket of dirt; implies pure stupidity

    • profile image

      Andi85 

      8 months ago

      Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room fulla rockin chairs

      I'll be there in two shakes of a bee's knee

      Busier than a Waffle House fly

      So few teeth he could brush with a corn cob

      Purtier'n may-nayse oozin outta a Spam sandwich

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      8 months ago from USA

      MarkSiebert - I'm so glad that Google brought you here. Hope you enjoyed my article, and thanks for adding your saying.

    • profile image

      MarkSiebert 

      8 months ago

      Funniest one I ever come across was

      "(she was)...shakin' like a dog passin' a peach pit. " It was in an old book of collected sayings that I would love to find. (Actualy it was whilst searchin' fer it that I come across this here site. Thanks, Google fer helpin' the author share! :-)

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      9 months ago from USA

      Ruth Ann, Thanks for the laugh! I need to remember that one as there are so many times it would be appropriate!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      9 months ago from USA

      Now there's a new one, Btb31!

    • profile image

      Ruth Ann 

      9 months ago

      I haven't read one of my favorites from my Texan mom. She said, "You need to pull your head out before you sit down and break your neck."

    • profile image

      Btb31 

      9 months ago

      Harder than nailin a poached egg to a tree

      You're not the only pig in the poke

    • profile image

      mrs.moleman 

      9 months ago

      A haint is a ghost. Most old southern homes look haunted or are haunted and traditionally have a blue porches. That color is called 'haint blue'.

      And...

      Kill em' hammer dead.

      She's crazy as a moon bat, or she's moon bat.

      Crazy as a runt over dog.

      Stuck together like a couple of lovebugs.

      Quit your hollerin'.

      Happier than a pig in shit.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      10 months ago from USA

      Thanks so much Whitney Overstreet! You made my day! :)

    • profile image

      Whitney Overstreet 

      10 months ago

      I am GA born and raised and now raising my own here still. This was one of the funniest blogs I've ever read! And so true! Love it!

    • Larry Slawson profile image

      Larry Slawson 

      11 months ago from North Carolina

      Haha, I really enjoyed your article! :) Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      Jean McDermott 

      11 months ago

      I really enjoyed this article. My folks are from AL and TN. I grew up with these expressions and use some of them myself.

    • profile image

      musclemutt 

      11 months ago

      Believers in voodoo keep spirits away by painting the house haint blue, a color sort of like electric blue.

      And "Those pants were so tight I could see her religion," only makes sense if you say it about a man, religion traditionally being associated with circumcision in earlier times.

      My friend Kenny had a load of sayings from up in the mountains, like "easier than pullin a greased string through a goose."

    • profile image

      gerrielynn 

      11 months ago

      Cute! This brought plenty of smiles and even a laugh or two! Thanks for the fun article!

    • profile image

      Carol Romine 

      11 months ago

      "He wouldn't be happy if He was hung with a silk rope." A very unhappy fellow! :)

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      13 months ago from USA

      Talmage Jordan - Never heard it before, but I like that one!

    • profile image

      Talmage Jordan 

      14 months ago

      Mamaw (Grandmother) Jordan used to say, "He's knocking lost john."...sleeping!

    • profile image

      Ann Plicque 

      14 months ago

      Way down yonder in New Orleans, we say catty-cornered to mean diagonally across from a point. Never heard of any kind of wumpus. "That dog won't hunt," doesn't point out a liar, necessarily, but says a statement is a lie. There is a difference. But being a big port, we get people from all over. So our southernisms may be tainted. I've heard dumb as a bag of hammers, but have no idea where it came from. I use it all the time because the visual in my mind is hilarious. Version I heard is "rode hard and hung up wet," not to mean "ugly," but to mean beat up and worn out. Usually refers to cars and people. Though it is correct English word, based on middle English stave, meaning something about a boat repair, I also never heard, I'm stoved up, as meaning I'm too worn out, sore and beat up from overdoing something, I've gotta rest. I did hear from someone who grew up in Lafayette with Jackson, Miss. ties "He's like bad grass, you just can't kill him." We were talking on the phone and I told him to shut up while I laughed for a solid three or four minutes. Then he said, real coolly, "You liked that, didn't ya." Which made me laugh hard again. And if it was never an expression, "You can't fix stupid," should be. Ron White is great.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      15 months ago from USA

      Joyce Bragg Cosra - That's a new saying! Thanks!

    • profile image

      Joyce Bragg Cosra 

      15 months ago

      My Mother use to say to my sister and me when it was time to go to bed, "It is time to get ready to go to "Miss White's Party" . In other words, it is time to go to bed and get between the white sheets.

    • profile image

      SouthernBelle 

      15 months ago

      A 'haint' is a ghost. If you had read 'To Kill A mockingbird' in high school like we have to down here, you woulda known that!

      My momma also would say, when threatening to tan my hide, 'You'll be eatin' off the mantle for a week!'

      I am so blessed to have lived in the South all my life, so I knew just about all of those sayings!

    • profile image

      Aristotelis Katsaros 

      15 months ago

      Awesome. Didn't know there was so many sayings in the south!

    • profile image

      ButterBean 

      16 months ago

      She'd talk water uphill. I've eat so much chicken I'm fartin' feathers. It's fixin' to come a toad-strangler. Might as well stay--it's too wet to plow. Sloppy as watermelon juice in a bellybutton. He ain't got backin' up sense. Hide 'n watch. Jesus H. Christ in a sidecar... She's so purty I could eat the corn outta her $hit. She's so skinny she'd have to straddle the drain to keep from being sucked clean through. His butter's done gone and slipped off his biscuit. I could sop her UP with a biscuit. I could eat you with a spoon and not miss a drop. If I do, there'll be a band before me playin' Who the Hell'da Thought It. If I am there'll be a star in the far east. He could put his shoes under my bed any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Now...ya just gone done and done it, ain'tcha? You're givin' me a case of the red ass. I'm so skeerd my ass is makin' buttonholes. Sew him up in the bed sheet and beat him with a broom. Drunker 'n Cootie Brown. Meaner 'n a snake. Crazier than bat $hit. Ugly as a mud fence. Lord love a duck. Let's put on the dawg! That's larapin' good. (Criteria for "larapin" according to my MIL is that it must contain at least 2 of 3 ingredients: flour, sugar, or butter, and all 3 is guaranteed). Full as a fat tick on a fat dawg.

    • profile image

      William E. Lee 

      16 months ago

      In the line "He ran like a scalded haint." the "Haint" is a 'hen'

      Howver in the Southern Appalacian Mountain parts it can be a 'haunt.'

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      16 months ago from USA

      Thanks, Nathan, for your very cute comments! I'm so happy that my article made you feel finer than a frog's hair split four ways! LOL!

    • profile image

      Nathan 

      16 months ago

      Well, butter my biscuit, you did a good job. I use some of these with my girlfriend who is from Chicago and it makes her madder than a midget with a yo-yo. Sometimes I think she couldn't find her way out of a paper bag. This article makes me feel finer than frog hairs split four ways. Another one you missed when someone asks you if you like something, and you reply with, "Is a bullfrog water-proof?" Also, she's so sour if she smiled her face milk would curdle.

    • profile image

      Amy 

      16 months ago

      Not sure if this page is still monitored, but I came across it while searching for a fun way to tell my friends that I'm super happy today. I'm a southern girl, so it was like pulling teeth to find a saying that we don't already use. But non the less I got a good chuckle reading through the list.

      Anyway, I have a saying that didn't see listed about. It's a way of expressing how nervous you feel.

      "She's as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo"... I nabbed that from an episode of Golden Girls. Blanche Deveroux said it. LOL!!!

    • profile image

      Flora C Rakes 

      17 months ago

      Thanks for a happy note in my day from a often homesick old Southerner.

    • profile image

      Jim 

      17 months ago

      I just found this so I'm not sure if it's still monitored, but one of my mom's favorite saying about a neighbor who was very unfriendly:

      "She's so mean, she goes bear huntin' with a switch (tree branch used for giving your child a whoppin)

    • profile image

      Spring 

      17 months ago

      Well I thank you hit the nail on the head I have heard and said so many of these since I was little

    • bodylevive profile image

      BODYLEVIVE 

      17 months ago from Alabama, USA

      I got a big kick out of this. I live in the south, Alabama. You;ve got some here I;ve never heard before, lol lol lol. I couldn't help but lol while I was reading this. Great job and I truly enjoyed reading and the lol.

    • profile image

      India Ingle 

      18 months ago

      does anyone know " love you ottles and bootles?

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      18 months ago from USA

      Well, that certainly explains it, Gracie! But not a picture I really want to carry in my head! :)

    • profile image

      Gracie 

      18 months ago

      The thing about being as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine is because when the sun heats up the dead pig's skin, it draws up a bit or shrinks up a bit making the pig's face look like it's smiling

    • profile image

      Bob 

      19 months ago

      Full: My belly is as tight as a banjo string

      Faster than a scalded dawg

      Her taste is in her mouth

      Katy bar the door

      Mo' tea?

      Mawn back. (Directions to a driver in reverse)

      Beauty:

      Wouldn't throw her out of bed unless she had a preference for the floor

      she is so pretty I'd eat the corn outa her sh*t

    • profile image

      Kevin 

      20 months ago

      A "haint" Is a ghost.

      I'm a Virginia boy living in Louisiana. I love this list.

      Great list. A few seem more like someone's putting you on, but maybe it's just a regional thing within the south.

      Tan your hide and "I'll give you something to cry about" are not exclusive to the south. Brits and Midwesterners both say that. Or at least my in-laws and my Wisconsin born and bred grandmother say those.

    • profile image

      Will 

      20 months ago

      Frog strangler= bad rain storm

    • profile image

      Allen Rizzi 

      20 months ago

      Enjoyed this! We've heard most as transplants from Italy but I still can't get used to the word "impor-dand" - it must be very impor-dand in deed!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      20 months ago from USA

      Jaycie, One of the things that most impressed me when we moved south was the very respectful way that children addressed adults. Our neighbor's little boy was taught from the time he could talk to say "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir".

    • profile image

      Jaycie Revels 

      20 months ago

      I live in South Carolina and I have literally heard 3/4 of these sayings growing up. Some that we use in my town are:

      Its hot as hell or Its hot as the devils balls.

      Crank the car up.

      Chunk the sticks over there.

      Imma kick you where the sun don't shine.

      Imma knock you to tomorrow.

      And everytime we're told to do something by adults or people older than us we always say yes/no ma'am and yes/no sir.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      20 months ago from USA

      That's interesting, Peg Roach. I've only heard a similar saying from those of Irish descent.

    • profile image

      Peg Roach 

      20 months ago

      Did anybody hear their old timers say "Well fath & begorra!" ???? I was raised in Memphis & in NE Arkansas. As I recall it was used as a term like "WELL how do you like that!" or "Well I'll be darned!" Thanks.... and by the way, I'm almost 80, so I doubt any young things have heard this!

    • profile image

      Thomas Allen 

      21 months ago

      Seen most of these and use quite a few ( I live in Ky) raised in ky, born in Missouri, parents from southern Illinois. My dad used to say

      Shape up or ship out

      It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

      My wife is from eastern ky and her and her family use a few I didn't see mentioned.

      Ugly as a mud fence

      Sleepy as a hound dog

      Rough as a cobb

      Messy as a soup sandwich

      Here are a few more,

      Drunk as a three eyed goat

      Dumb as a box of rocks

      That boys got two brain cells on one's on life support.

      Sober as a judge

      Hotter than a two dollar pistol

      The word " count" used as a replacement for "good"

      Is that any count?

      Enjoyed the article and the comments

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      22 months ago from Texas

      One of the best compilations of sayings I've seen. I'm pretty stumped too about that popcorn fart. Of course, I didn't learn half of these sayings until after I moved to Texas.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      22 months ago from USA

      Thanks, Terry! These sayings brought some vivid images to mind! :)

    • profile image

      Terry Giboney 

      22 months ago

      As happy as a pig in slop!

      If you want to run with the big dogs, you have to learn to pee in tall grass!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Henkel 

      22 months ago from USA

      I sure am, Paula! Thanks!

    • profile image

      Jimbo 

      22 months ago

      My mom's favorite when she was fed up with someone,....." She,(he) just makes my ass tired!" Still hear it to this day seeing some people!! Ha!!

    • profile image

      Paula 

      22 months ago

      Well, Hot Damn, Stephanie! I'll bet yer grinnin like a possum eatin a sweet tater! CONGRATULATIONS!! Paula

    • profile image

      Leslie Whited 

      22 months ago

      Granny, how're U today?

      "Oh, fine, fine as fizzledust."

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